Mila Dvoretskaya ( milochka99@nursat.kz )

Russian

My dream

Sometimes I have especial dreams, which leave me a feeling of something supernatural, mysterious. They are remembered long time because of attempts to analyse them and understand. Not so a long time ago I just had a dream, but it was differed from all my previous experience - the point is that I was a man there. I must tell that the role of the woman in life quite suits me and in any most mad dreams I did not want to change the sexual orientation even for time. But this experience is especial by that fact that not only my appearance has been exchanged, but I also felt as a man. Analysing this dream I have understood, that it was picture from my last embodiment (maybe not, I can not be sure).

So I am the Ancient Russian prince, high, broad-shouldered, with brown hair and beautiful beard. I know I good warrior and I have general respect. I am 25-27 years old and I has come with two my younger brothers to seek in marriage in one hoble house. I “die” on the master's daughter Nataly, the fair-haired pretty girl of 15-16 years old and I worry very much because I perfectly know that she likes one of my younger brothers. But this fact does not stop my determination at all, and that is the most interesting, does not cause any hostility to the brother (apparently, the related feelings were very strong on Ancient Russian). This brother does not give out his attitude to Nataly (if hi has one), if the senior brother likes this girl then own feelings should be forgotten.

My brothers came in this house to seek in marriage too, but I do not know their brides. One of them pushes me by an elbow - begin, you are the senior. I have forgotten all traditional words because of emotions and I speak him about it. Then he begins to whisper in my ear all what was spoken in such cases since the beginning of time. I tried to remember it some time, and then has waved a hand - it is useless, the tension is too big (what if I would be refused?), I would not remember all that anyway. You start, and I shall continue somehow, I say.

That moment Nataly rises and serves all visitors with the large tray of sweets. She approaches to us, it starts chilling in my stomach because of this and all my interiors are falling. Beside us she begins to flirt (absolutely similar like the modern girls do, and even I sometimes do) - draws down her eyelashes, smiles mysteriously, raises a skirt of sarafan. Because of it everything goes dark before my eyes. But she lifts a gaze on that my brother, why is really not indifferent for her and there are so much in this look, there is such depth of feelings, even a pain maybe! But at all that she flirts with me! Maybe, I am more favorable party? I see all, I understand all, but IT DOES NOT MATTER for me, I need her, only her, even in that case she loves another! …

I do not know, what this looking in marriage was ended, scenery were changed, the walls were moved apart, and I have seen other woman. She is older Nataly a little (I would write "my Nataly") and she asks my father to marry me, because she loves me and will make happy. She is a little more than 20 years old, she has a noble face like sacred persons on orthodox icons, and her beauty is very noble, quietly and full of dignity. But I still need only my frivolous coquette Nataly…

Why this information is given to me right now? What lesson should I pass? May be in order to understand better the men and not to be similar to the bride from the dream?

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